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Sherapy

spare the rod ..spoil the child

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Beckys_Mom
:cry: That is tragic. I hope to read as soon as tomorrow, that little Madeleine is found safe and comes home.

Here's a breaking news update. Police have a suspect.

Yea i read it on the BBC News site also...she is just 3 yrs old...to think her parents left her on her own, so they could go out and eat wtf??

No parent should leave a kid alone and unattended like that

Now when you look at news like this....and you read constantly about lil kids being abducted and abused...you ask yourself this one question......

Should we look down on those that just spank their kids not causing harm, but to show they care how thier kids behave??

Or should we be MORE concerned about those who really ABUSE children..........

which is it??its a no brainer!!!

If a parent spanks to show the kids they have done wrong...but they do it because they care.....those same parents would die off, if their kids were taken from them and REALLY HURT or KILLED

If i ever read a story about a partent spanking their kid for being a lil brat...I wouldnt raise a brow

but when i read about parents that beat the crap out of their kids and abuse them constantly....................that gets my attention...

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Radian
shadow you hit on a big one , i too was told to not pick my kids up everytime they cryed as it would create spoiled children etc...by well meaning friends , luckily i kneetter.....

I had my mother come by visit when my second daughter was born. I remember it was very shortly after I brought her home. I had went to get her out of her bed because she was crying wanting to eat, and my mother in a very demanding tone told me " Don't pick her up, let her cry, it makes her lungs stronger, it wont hurt her." I was a young mother granted, But, my instincts were intact... I was NOT going to set back and let her cry it out-- ridiculous...I was gonna pick up my young'un and tend to her! Even then, being young and not really experienced, I knew that was screwed up.

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GoddessWhispers

Let her cry it makes her lungs stronger. That's a first. So do you think she raised you that way when you were a baby or is this something she's learned recently from articles, TV, etc....!? :unsure2:

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eqgumby
Let her cry it makes her lungs stronger. That's a first. So do you think she raised you that way when you were a baby or is this something she's learned recently from articles, TV, etc....!? :unsure2:

It's true, I saw it on Oprah! <_<

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Radian
No parent should leave a kid alone and unattended like that

Now when you look at news like this....and you read constantly about lil kids being abducted and abused...you ask yourself this one question......

Should we look down on those that just spank their kids not causing harm, but to show they care how thier kids behave??

Or should we be MORE concerned about those who really ABUSE children..........

which is it??its a no brainer!!!

Absolutely. The system here is slam packed with false reports/ vengence complaints or no merit w/ suspicion etc,. and every once in a while that legit case comes thru needing immediate attention, and is often lost thru the clutter. A trajedy.

Afterall, EVERY case reported MUST be investigated despite extent of the warnings. It's a double edge sword somewhat...if there aren't those red flags or indicators then even the genuine cases may not get reported...

Edited by Sunni

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IamsSon
FAO all parents...

If you don't mind...I know this kind of thing happens all the time..and it breaks your heart but

here is a short video about a wee girl Maddie McCann, was abducted 3rd may...

it scares you...whats the world coming to?? turn your head for a sec now days and your lil kid is snatched :blink:

thanks

That is seriously sad, BM, thanks for making us aware of this family's plight. I saw several other videos on the site and it seems they have been looking for her in any way they can. I will certainly add her to my prayers.

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Beckys_Mom
That is seriously sad, BM, thanks for making us aware of this family's plight. I saw several other videos on the site and it seems they have been looking for her in any way they can. I will certainly add her to my prayers.

thanks IAMS...it doesnt surprise me that you would do this..you are always caring...every lil bit of support helps

But then you are a loving parent IAMS :tu:

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Sherapy
I had my mother come by visit when my second daughter was born. I remember it was very shortly after I brought her home. I had went to get her out of her bed because she was crying wanting to eat, and my mother in a very demanding tone told me " Don't pick her up, let her cry, it makes her lungs stronger, it wont hurt her." I was a young mother granted, But, my instincts were intact... I was NOT going to set back and let her cry it out-- ridiculous...I was gonna pick up my young'un and tend to her! Even then, being young and not really experienced, I knew that was screwed up.

my ex sister in law had great issue with the fact that i breast fed but that i breast fed on demand and let my baby sleep with me, she just cringed at this..LOL

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Radian
Let her cry it makes her lungs stronger. That's a first. So do you think she raised you that way when you were a baby or is this something she's learned recently from articles, TV, etc....!? :unsure2:

No, I dont think it was a recent strategy at all... I had been told (by an aunt) my sister was left like that to cry a lot by my mother.. (my sister stayed sick- apparently cried a lot).

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Sherapy
Absolutely. The system here is slam packed with false reports/ vengence complaints or no merit w/ suspicion etc,. and every once in a while that legit case comes thru needing immediate attention, and is often lost thru the clutter. A trajedy.

Afterall, EVERY case reported MUST be investigated despite extent of the warnings. It's a double edge sword somewhat...if there aren't those red flags or indicators then even the genuine cases may not get reported...

so true, they are overwhelmed the system....i agree so many vengence calls come through,....and all that is required to get an investigation is if it seems reasonable claims........so much needs to change in the parentingting realm, good ideas come through but is years before they are taken as valid.....Many of htese alternative paretning ideas have been around since as early as the 30's yet they aren't taken seriously..we seriously have to redefine pareting, few understand it.... it breaks my heart these little kids that suffer ....

Edited by Supra Sheri

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Radian
my ex sister in law had great issue with the fact that i breast fed but that i breast fed on demand and let my baby sleep with me, she just cringed at this..LOL

I don't get it!! WHy would anyone get upset about YOU breastfeeding YOUR CHILD and letting YOUR child sleep with YOU...???

None of their business.

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Sherapy
No, I dont think it was a recent strategy at all... I had been told (by an aunt) my sister was left like that to cry a lot by my mother.. (my sister stayed sick- apparently cried a lot).

my pediatrician also told me that it takes from their development the energy that goes into crying could be better used in growing and develpment.....

family members are around alot and they see things and some feel a need or compelled to advice based on no research or understanding..this was my sister in law..she felt the manuals that her church provided knew better....i just let her be.. often one has to let others be...

the manual encourages that a child is left to cry it out and her second child just wouldn't stop ( attachment phases step it up when the nother ignores it and its as if the child says what will it take for you to hear me)) anyways she called me after months of this and i simply said go pick that baby up throw away the book... she did quit leaving him to cry after that.... this was a girl who came home to a mother who had shot herself in the head she found her and she refused any kind of therapy, its not encouraged in her branch of christianity .....

Edited by Supra Sheri

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MissMelsWell

when my daughter was an infant, I didn't allow her to work herself up into a crying frenzy, I'd just walk her around, rock her etc..

However, when she got older, into that 2 to 3 year old range, I did on a few occasions let her scream bloody murder and didn't try to stop it. Those few occasions, were because she was so tired, she couldn't see straight, and my being in the room with her, added to the overstimulation she was dealing with, making everything much worse. On those VERY few occasions, I did let her cry it out, but she was much older and much more communicative than an infant.

Infants shouldn't be allowed to cry alone and unattended for more than a minute.

That being said, I'm no fan of attachment parenting either. Ixnay on the family bed thing in my opinion. I don't like that idea for me or my child at all. Mine never wanted to sleep in bed with me anyway, and in fact, for about the first 4 months, she woudn't even sleep in a cradle next to me, the only thing she wanted to sleep in was a car seat next to me. I think it gave her that nice sense of being enclosed and bundled up. She kinda still sleeps that way. haha

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Sherapy
when my daughter was an infant, I didn't allow her to work herself up into a crying frenzy, I'd just walk her around, rock her etc..

However, when she got older, into that 2 to 3 year old range, I did on a few occasions let her scream bloody murder and didn't try to stop it. Those few occasions, were because she was so tired, she couldn't see straight, and my being in the room with her, added to the overstimulation she was dealing with, making everything much worse. On those VERY few occasions, I did let her cry it out, but she was much older and much more communicative than an infant.

Infants shouldn't be allowed to cry alone and unattended for more than a minute.

That being said, I'm no fan of attachment parenting either. Ixnay on the family bed thing in my opinion. I don't like that idea for me or my child at all. Mine never wanted to sleep in bed with me anyway, and in fact, for about the first 4 months, she woudn't even sleep in a cradle next to me, the only thing she wanted to sleep in was a car seat next to me. I think it gave her that nice sense of being enclosed and bundled up. She kinda still sleeps that way. haha

I breast fed so it was alot more convienent to have them in the bed...I have never even bought a crib.. ..i think this is personal preference and americans are really not into bed sharing as other cultures....I simply couldn't sleep with sids i literally kept watch the first year....my sister lost a child to sids. but regardless i find it to work for me....

I agree i was in the store the other day a nd a baby was jsut screaming to the point of choking and this instinct went off in me pick up, that baby pick up i can't bear to let a baby cry, i almost get teary eyed thinking about that baby.... especially knowing its instinctual and it is part of the survival instinct and attachment phase....

Edited by Supra Sheri

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GoddessWhispers

When we had our first the rocking cradle was beside the bed, to keep her close, but we also let her sleep between us on occasion. Especially during storms, when everything became very loud and frightening for her. We wanted her to know her independence so she also slept in her cradle. We figured she'd lived inside my lover for 9 months, right below her heart, so sleeping with us close by sustained that sense of nurturing she'd grown up with, from the very beginning inside her mommy.

And I agree that while anyone may have an opinion about a mothers breast feeding schedule, and even the baby sleeping in the bed part, that's all it is. The mother knows what's best for baby, it's instinctual, like this mommy ESP if you will. My lover breast fed, because it was the healthiest means of insuring daughters immune system developed and sustained itself, without all the chemical preservatives, artificial colors, flavors and other ingredients, in formula. Babies immune systems don't fully mature until they're about 18 months of age. (Varies depending on the overall state of health, from the beginning). So we believe that the less stress her system had ingesting artificial ingredients, in her feedings, the better. She didn't have her shots until she was 21 months old, thanks to assist from friends of ours in various places. Because years ago there was a French study that the American FDA wouldn't credit because they hadn't approved the protocols, that said the French government had augmented mandatory inoculations because they discovered SIDS was linked to early vaccinations. The body has to build an immune defense to the properties in the inoculation. But when an immune system isn't fully up and running, sort of speak, that overwhelm of an antigen for Hepatitis B, for instance and the other shots usually given to newborns, can overwhelm and kill baby.

Our girl is healthy and happy and has rarely been sick. We did that with our second as well and have never regretted the choice.

Edited by GoddessWhispers

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Kazahel

I never thought controlled crying was a good idea either. My mother tried to get us to maybe think about using it because my son was waking up alittle too early sometimes and wanting me to go back in to rock him to sleep. Which was really tiring for my arms because I could only rock him when I held him in this funny way(he liked it better). So it was quite a work out and the heavier he got the harder it got(I rocked him to sleep everytime cause I had the knack), but sometimes it would take ages to rock him to sleep and he would wake up mabey 10 minutes later and cry out. Which was why I was told about controlled crying, which I tried for 1 day but it felt so unnatural, and even though I was getting desperate in not wanting to have to rock him to sleep anymore I didnt want to leave him to get used to having to cry himself to sleep thinking he was alone. It just didnt feel right.

My son also slept in the bed with his mum for alittle.. first we had the bassinet near the bed but soon after he managed to take my spot. Like it was easier in the night when he would wake up to get him back to sleep and feed him etc if he was right near his mum, so he slept in my spot and I slept on the floor for a few months. Then soon after when I got my house we did the same thing but placed a double and a single mattress together on the floor so that we could all sleep together, which was pretty cool cause we slept quite well compared to some stories you hear. Like I'm glad we did it that way instead of trying to get him in his own room and bed too early. He ended up being happy and excited when he finally wanted his own bed, instead of being forced in one and told to sleep there seperated from his mum and I.

But yeah some people think its bad for young children to sleep in the parents bed incase they basically sleep on the child or suffocate them. The blankets must be in the right spot otherwise it can be more dangerous because they dont get tucked in as much as when you use a bassinet. Like you are suppose to keep the blankets low, and in beds they can maybe get pulled up too high by a sleeping adult which can be dangerous. So I think from memory thats the main reasons why some people worry about it. Also not long ago there was a mother who's child died when she slept close to her because the childs head moved in a place where she couldnt get any air, so it happened because of how the mother slept. I think the child was on her or tucked into her more or something. So anotherwords you have to be careful when they are really little but I think its more natural to let them sleep in your bed with you. And leaving them to cry just feels weird, which says something I think.

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eqgumby
...Babies immune systems don't fully mature until they're about 18 months of age. (Varies depending on the overall state of health, from the beginning). So we believe that the less stress her system had ingesting artificial ingredients, in her feedings, the better. She didn't have her shots until she was 21 months old, thanks to assist from friends of ours in various places. Because years ago there was a French study that the American FDA wouldn't credit because they hadn't approved the protocols, that said the French government had augmented mandatory inoculations because they discovered SIDS was linked to early vaccinations. The body has to build an immune defense to the properties in the inoculation. But when an immune system isn't fully up and running, sort of speak, that overwhelm of an antigen for Hepatitis B, for instance and the other shots usually given to newborns, can overwhelm and kill baby.

Our girl is healthy and happy and has rarely been sick. We did that with our second as well and have never regretted the choice.

Speculation.

Not inoculating your children on time is tantamount to child abuse.

This has noting to do with the topic.

Close this "feel good" thread and start a new age blog.

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Sherapy
When we had our first the rocking cradle was beside the bed, to keep her close, but we also let her sleep between us on occasion. Especially during storms, when everything became very loud and frightening for her. We wanted her to know her independence so she also slept in her cradle. We figured she'd lived inside my lover for 9 months, right below her heart, so sleeping with us close by sustained that sense of nurturing she'd grown up with, from the very beginning inside her mommy.

And I agree that while anyone may have an opinion about a mothers breast feeding schedule, and even the baby sleeping in the bed part, that's all it is. The mother knows what's best for baby, it's instinctual, like this mommy ESP if you will. My lover breast fed, because it was the healthiest means of insuring daughters immune system developed and sustained itself, without all the chemical preservatives, artificial colors, flavors and other ingredients, in formula. Babies immune systems don't fully mature until they're about 18 months of age. (Varies depending on the overall state of health, from the beginning). So we believe that the less stress her system had ingesting artificial ingredients, in her feedings, the better. She didn't have her shots until she was 21 months old, thanks to assist from friends of ours in various places. Because years ago there was a French study that the American FDA wouldn't credit because they hadn't approved the protocols, that said the French government had augmented mandatory inoculations because they discovered SIDS was linked to early vaccinations. The body has to build an immune defense to the properties in the inoculation. But when an immune system isn't fully up and running, sort of speak, that overwhelm of an antigen for Hepatitis B, for instance and the other shots usually given to newborns, can overwhelm and kill baby.

Our girl is healthy and happy and has rarely been sick. We did that with our second as well and have never regretted the choice.

Gw i also had very healthy children never sick ....breast feeding is the natural protecter of a little ones immune system....I agree with the vaccinations too.... you and your partner were very wise to wait, not to mention many baby docs recomend waiting...no to mention the autism that has been linked to the DPT shot......

i never did a bottle with any of my kids all went to cups.... here it is unheard of not to nurse your kid , its almost like strange if you don't LOL......

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Saru

This thread was reopened temporarily while it was being reviewed in full for suitability and while I decided whether or not it should continue. What we are seeing is a lot of off-topic discussion here on child care; while this topic originally maintained at least some element of religious/spiritual significance, that seems to have been lost now. We're also seeing some members offering medical/care advise which is inaccurate and subjective and in some cases may cause problems if followed blindly by other visitors. Last of all we're seeing a lot of bickering, people accusing others of "child abuse" every five minutes.

As such, I think this thread has gone on long enough for those involved to discuss what they needed to discuss, but at the moment I think the negative aspects outweigh the benefits in leaving this open and therefore this topic is now closed.

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