Mark Dohle

The couple

May 25, 2010 |  6 comments
Image Credit: sxc.hu The couple entered the waiting room about 30 minutes after I had arrived. I was going to be there for about three hours so I was prepared for the long wait. I looked up for a cursory take on who they were and returned to my book. They were an older couple, though in fact I could have been older than they, or perhaps the same age. I still have trouble seeing myself as ‘older’, but have no trouble in applying that ‘label’ to others.

After about ten minutes they started talking to another couple in the waiting area. The husband about 5 years earlier had to have open heart surgery; it seems that it was a close call which really frightened both husband and wife. They related how he lost over 40 lbs and started watching his diet; in fact he displayed a certain anxiety still over what happened. The wife mean time was sitting close, holding his hand, and leaning a little into him, which showed me how attached they were. They had been married 40 years, so yes they were probably my age, or just a few years older.

The husband stopped smoking, no longer eats red meat, except on very rare occasions, and related how for the first few years stayed close to home in case he had another heart attack. He said it was hard for him to stop smoking but his wife supported him in this endeavor, for his doctor related to him the importance of doing that. His wife, who was also a smoker, and loved it. Who did not want to quit her smoking habit. Nor did the husband expect her to; none the less stopped cold turkey in support of her husband. She related how difficult it was at first but concern for her husband dictated this path to her. They both had gentle smiles, and the way they looked at each other made me smile. I am not sure how many marriages can boast that kind of union after forty years. Or perhaps I am wrong, being brainwashed by how the media portrays the marriage scene today. For being faithful and true is too ordinary for the press to spend much time on.

The wife was there for a procedure and she was very nervous. In fact when she checked in she notified the receptionist that she was in a very bad mood because of her anxiety over what she had to go through. I was impressed by her forthright statements and she also said it in good humor, like she knew herself very well and was not afraid to admit that she was not perfect or in control at all times.

So they came and got her and a few minutes later they asked the husband to go back for a few minutes because she was nervous. He smiled gently and went back; did what he was call upon to do, and came back still smiling. I could tell that they knew each other deeply and were used to sharing whatever was on their minds. Yes it was obvious that they loved each other very much and from what I observed did not take each other for granted. Perhaps the heart attack opened the door to a deeper and more loving and honest relationship.

Their children came in a little later, four of them, and they had the same gentle demeanor and regard that their parents seem to have for one another. Also like many loving families they had lots of entertaining stories to share. Their was also the underlying anxiety that comes with loving deeply, the possibility of them finding something that could put their mother at risk.

I suppose in the end, what makes life worthwhile is love. It does not have to be of the family kind for many people come from homes that are extremely dysfunctional, so love has to be found in other ways. I guess friendship is the most important. In fact the above family seemed not only to be siblings and parents, but also friends. For after a child grows up, perhaps friendship is the best way to go, though I suppose that a child will always be a child to good parents no matter how old they are. Yet friendship allows inroads for something deeper and richer to develop.

Then again, perhaps it is in the seeking of love that is the most important of all, to keep the heart opened as life progresses. Many find this kind of support; understanding and love in specific groups, where like minded people come and share their struggles and in doing so often find friends within that group to sustain them. I personally think the 12 step program is very good for many people, though it comes under a lot of attack from those who are not members, or perhaps have had some bad experience. For like anything other organization there is the good and the bad, also expectations not lived up to. However some of the best people I know, who have deep humility and self knowledge (which of course go together) have been formed and sustained by their going to 12 steps meetings. Again outsiders often judge the systems by the least instead of by those who have been helped and spend their lives in reaching out to others.

Love, a strange word in English, for we only have that one word to describe so many things. I think it impoverishes our language because of the loss of nuances in the use of the word “love”. For instances, this is obvious of course; but to talk about the love between the people in the family above and then my “love” french fries, is hardly the same thing, no matter how much I “like”, or “love” those messy, greasy, little critters. It is just something totally different. For love in its truest sense is about relationship, openness and yes also need, for our loves, even the most pure have some instinct and need built in, but that is not the center of it all. For people will give up their supreme treasure for a loved one, be it family or friends; it is their lives their very existence. Yes that is something to ponder, the willingness to give up ones live for the beloved or beloveds.[!gad]The couple entered the waiting room about 30 minutes after I had arrived. I was going to be there for about three hours so I was prepared for the long wait. I looked up for a cursory take on who they were and returned to my book. They were an older couple, though in fact I could have been older than they, or perhaps the same age. I still have trouble seeing myself as ‘older’, but have no trouble in applying that ‘label’ to others.

After about ten minutes they started talking to another couple in the waiting area. The husband about 5 years earlier had to have open heart surgery; it seems that it was a close call which really frightened both husband and wife. They related how he lost over 40 lbs and started watching his diet; in fact he displayed a certain anxiety still over what happened. The wife mean time was sitting close, holding his hand, and leaning a little into him, which showed me how attached they were. They had been married 40 years, so yes they were probably my age, or just a few years older.

The husband stopped smoking, no longer eats red meat, except on very rare occasions, and related how for the first few years stayed close to home in case he had another heart attack. He said it was hard for him to stop smoking but his wife supported him in this endeavor, for his doctor related to him the importance of doing that. His wife, who was also a smoker, and loved it. Who did not want to quit her smoking habit. Nor did the husband expect her to; none the less stopped cold turkey in support of her husband. She related how difficult it was at first but concern for her husband dictated this path to her. They both had gentle smiles, and the way they looked at each other made me smile. I am not sure how many marriages can boast that kind of union after forty years. Or perhaps I am wrong, being brainwashed by how the media portrays the marriage scene today. For being faithful and true is too ordinary for the press to spend much time on.

The wife was there for a procedure and she was very nervous. In fact when she checked in she notified the receptionist that she was in a very bad mood because of her anxiety over what she had to go through. I was impressed by her forthright statements and she also said it in good humor, like she knew herself very well and was not afraid to admit that she was not perfect or in control at all times.

So they came and got her and a few minutes later they asked the husband to go back for a few minutes because she was nervous. He smiled gently and went back; did what he was call upon to do, and came back still smiling. I could tell that they knew each other deeply and were used to sharing whatever was on their minds. Yes it was obvious that they loved each other very much and from what I observed did not take each other for granted. Perhaps the heart attack opened the door to a deeper and more loving and honest relationship.

Their children came in a little later, four of them, and they had the same gentle demeanor and regard that their parents seem to have for one another. Also like many loving families they had lots of entertaining stories to share. Their was also the underlying anxiety that comes with loving deeply, the possibility of them finding something that could put their mother at risk.

I suppose in the end, what makes life worthwhile is love. It does not have to be of the family kind for many people come from homes that are extremely dysfunctional, so love has to be found in other ways. I guess friendship is the most important. In fact the above family seemed not only to be siblings and parents, but also friends. For after a child grows up, perhaps friendship is the best way to go, though I suppose that a child will always be a child to good parents no matter how old they are. Yet friendship allows inroads for something deeper and richer to develop.

Then again, perhaps it is in the seeking of love that is the most important of all, to keep the heart opened as life progresses. Many find this kind of support; understanding and love in specific groups, where like minded people come and share their struggles and in doing so often find friends within that group to sustain them. I personally think the 12 step program is very good for many people, though it comes under a lot of attack from those who are not members, or perhaps have had some bad experience. For like anything other organization there is the good and the bad, also expectations not lived up to. However some of the best people I know, who have deep humility and self knowledge (which of course go together) have been formed and sustained by their going to 12 steps meetings. Again outsiders often judge the systems by the least instead of by those who have been helped and spend their lives in reaching out to others.

Love, a strange word in English, for we only have that one word to describe so many things. I think it impoverishes our language because of the loss of nuances in the use of the word “love”. For instances, this is obvious of course; but to talk about the love between the people in the family above and then my “love” french fries, is hardly the same thing, no matter how much I “like”, or “love” those messy, greasy, little critters. It is just something totally different. For love in its truest sense is about relationship, openness and yes also need, for our loves, even the most pure have some instinct and need built in, but that is not the center of it all. For people will give up their supreme treasure for a loved one, be it family or friends; it is their lives their very existence. Yes that is something to ponder, the willingness to give up ones live for the beloved or beloveds. Comments (6)

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