The problem with soul mates
Posted on Tuesday, 22 April, 2014 | 4 comments
Columnist: Kathleen Meadows
I’m often asked, “Is this person my soul mate?” After reading for clients for more than thirty years, you would think I’d be used to that question by now but the truth is that it always flummoxes me. “What does that mean to you?” I ask. It does mean different things to everyone who asks it. Aside from the obvious that my soul mate is by definition not yours, everyone has a characteristic that they believe will be embodied in their particular soul mate. It might be physical (height, weight, colouring), personality (serious, quiet, risk-taking), spiritual (religion) or intellectual (education, aspirations). In any case, most I speak with are confident their soul mate will be attractive to them and of course attracted to them equally, passionately.
Aside from these obvious embodied characteristics, there is an additional myriad of possible references, such as,
“Are we meant to be together?”
“Is it in the greatest good for me to be with this person?”
“Is it my destiny to be with them or might I miss my true soul mate if I bond with this person now?”
Seldom will an esoteric author take on this issue because it’s just too grand and sensitive a matter. You might be of the opinion that this is a rather frivolous query but in truth it’s actually rather daunting and powerful. Who we partner with in life will have a life altering impact on the decisions we make in every aspect of our lives. Decisions for example that will determine the status of our health, who or if we have offspring, our longevity, geographical location, career path, self-esteem and other familial and friend relationships. Yet most people choose their life partners rather impulsively, randomly and well to be blunt rather mindlessly.
From what I have learned over the past 40 years about soul mates (which you could write on a post-it note!), a soul mate is someone our soul becomes attached to, often inexplicably yet determinedly. Because this attraction has nothing to do with ego, lust or apparent practicality, it’s crazy-making to try and explain it to anyone. It is also highly unlikely that they would be the perfect mate for us at all!
A soul mate is like our personal guru. Your true soul mate is a spiritual twin not an embodied one. This means that your soul mate indeed may be presenting in a relationship which is sibling, parent, child, distant relative, friend, colleague or neighbour. It might just be someone you meet sitting next to you on the public transit! It is the person that when you meet them for the first time you feel as if you are spiritually home. No words are necessary for the two of you to be at one yet they are your absolute and perfect opposite in every way. Complete and absolute opposite.
The two of you together after all make up a complete whole. Where they love details, you love the big picture; where you love art, they love accounting; where you love to talk about everything, they are silent; where you love to travel, they love being at home. Imagine partnering with someone that opposite to you. It would be frustrating, conflicting, intriguing and at the same time very addictive. Not one person in your social circle would understand or condone the alliance and no matter how hard you tried to explain it, you would fail miserably.
Together you make a perfect whole. You would want to be with them all the time yet rarely would you see eye to eye or agree on where to be. You would be driven to question every idea, feeling, impulse or choice you make driving you constantly up a challenging spiral of growth, and awareness. It would be exhausting, exhilarating and crazy-making.
You can imagine why partnering with a soul mate is less than desirable! Partnership is ideal between two people who share at least a few fundamental similarities such as values, age and goals. These similarities would never be shared between “soul mates”. I would be far more comfortable with the question, “Is this person going to make a life-enhancing partner for me?” I can definitely answer that question with more accuracy and ease.
Kathleen Meadows, M.A. in the psychology of religion does psychic Tarot readings online at
Article Copyright© Kathleen Meadows - reproduced with permission.
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